If your friend comes out to you about something important like their sexual or romantic preferences? And you need a minute to process it, let them know. Leaving them hanging without a response is just a shitty thing to do.
When your partner gets mad at you offer apologies in the form of a smuppet belt buckle. Everyone wants a smuppet belt buckle.
When you see a fine piece of ass, respect it. That’s not just a fine piece of ass, that’s a person with thoughts and feelings like your own. Basically, don’t be an inconsiderate douche-waffle.
Don’t go crying to your mama. Go crying to your brother, because he’ll give you a good ass kicking and to be honest you probably really needed it for one reason or another.
When it’s your little brother’s best friend’s birthday be sure to send them 413 smuppets in congratulations.
If you can impersonate famous people, use your skills wisely, and make them say things like, “Titty Sprinkles.”
When someone tells you, “I love you,” respond with anything but, “G’day.” That’s just a dick move.
If you just got put in the friendzone, take a step back and realize you just used the fucking term “friendzone,” and probably have a lot more problems than you think.